Dear Leilani

I miss you with all my heart.  It’s hard to imagine this Christmas without you! Somehow nothing feels the same, nothing taste the same.  We all know some part of us is missing. No matter how much time we will never get it back.

We try to go on as you would expect us to do.  So I try to be brave, strong, smile, I try to stay focus on my daily tasks, for the most part I’m doing ok, but that for moments I feel the terrible pain of knowing you are not physically here, that I won’t get that text, that I wont get to see you walking through that door.

Then I look up at the sky, I try to find your star and once I find it, and I see the little bright twinkle, I imagine is you telling me you love me, and that you know how much we love and adore you, how much we miss you. I imagine you telling me, Come on NANA! “you have to keep going” and I remember some silly gesture, or comment you would make, I smile at your star and somehow I feel little better, even if its just for a moment, for I know you are still with me, with us.

I miss you my angel, my darling Leilani.